the 17 day stay in the hospital...

for most ppl who probably already know that I was admitted to the hospital, I was in due to a subclavian vein clot as I have a cervical rib. ok I just googled and it says only 1 in 500 has this extra cervical rib and even rarer are ppl with 2! and I am the rare person! omg! anw the doc found the left one much larger than the right one thus causing the vein to be narrowed and thus e clot. anw the clot is removed, though I will need an operation 3 mths later to remove the bone.

"Children born with cervical ribs develop early childhood cancer at a rate 125 times higher than the general population" wtf? lucky not for me..

anw after so damn long in the hospital, really give me alot of feelings. ok the first, though the rather unlikely, but, after staying so long in the hospital, I do have some feeling of unwillingnes to leave there. of cos not i want/like to stay there, but I am realy easily attached to things; I mean it's an environment I am been in for weeks. I will miss WARD 41!, if "fate" should have it, I might be back to the ward for my surgery 3 mths later

and if you make friends with the patients there, with the nurses there, you know, there is really some sort of attachment. example, i made friend with a 45 year old malay guy who was 1 bed beside me when i was admitted and also another 21 year old boy (cos he look like sec 4) when I left. Due to my procedure, I was transferred to ICU for one night then transferred to another ward, but somehow there is some complication, went to ICU, and went back to ward 41 again. :o

anyway, more things abt the stay. Hospital, still is some place you dun want to stay, it sure is demoralising, especially if you keep wanting to get out of there, but yet the longer you are staying in there, and i m sure anyone will admit, being in that place, totally separates you from the outside world and makes you feel like you are no longer part of the world out there.

also going into the hospital really makes you feel one thing, to really take care of your own health, thougnh i didn't go in due to any health issues but due to a born thingy, but after all the needles and other pains which I went through,no doubt helplessness at times, you know you wun want to be in there yourself.

and 1 thing after getting out of the hospital is, i think, I feel I have been given a new lease of life, definitely i feel fundamentally different. maybe is the lack of exposure to the outside world that's all? I duno.

but 1 thing, should have challenged everything based on faith, half hearted efforts give half hearted results and results in super long stay in the hospital.

update

it has been a long time since i blogged, at least sth about myself.

bz bz, been out almost everyday for the past 3 weeks? actually it's everyday.. ok obviously i will be out everyday since i am working. but ok i mean more of like even after work daily, there are meetings and other stuff. I will say it's not easy to juggle it all, especially when my work dun end at work, cos there are things to finish at home, esp all the "processing" of results and data, by the time I finish my experiments, it's late so either I stay back to finish or bring home to do.

and the fri meetings means have to arrange everything and well it's quite a lot. As a result, for the past 3 weeks, I have been slping at 2-3+ and waking up at 6+ so I can finish the slides. But well I'm not complaining, it's not that a thing; despite slping less, I feel I am more awake and energised. And things at work are improving ( I feel), from being scolded for showing effort in work last time, to now, ok I am not praised as yet, but I see results in my work and my boss is happy during the meetings, so things are going smoothly.

Well isn't this just about human revolution in Buddhism? How an internal transformation in one person (in myself) can change things around. It all start from the self; I can blame others, I can blame my job, I can quit but well things wun change if I dun change and improve and ur karma will follow you around. And probably what I always want to do, to show actual proof in work is probably what keep me going. It's nv about escaping..

But I will say, there is still a long way to go, though things are better now, but the constant "stress" is still there. All I can say, is to constantly elevate my life condition to battle my weaknesses. Just do it

Yoga Lin You Jia

I only know that he is part of xin guang but didn't know he was actually won the competition with 5 consecutive full marks and a total of 9 consecutive full marks which is current the record in the competition.

Anyway went to watch his concert today at SIS cos got free $100 tickets. I will say it's not easy for someone who has only release 1 album to give a concert, especially after like only 2 years in the scene? The concert is entertaining. I was expecting a lot of unfamiliar songs cos even the songs I heard from him isn't that catchy. But well, I was entertained by the rendition of a number of "old songs" eg aaron kwok, 对你爱不完, 叉烧包 (what a super old song) and also a number of other songs by other singers, and some popular english songs, and dance items. Not bad I will say.
However there is still a number of songs which are totally unheard of.

His guests are good also, olivia Ong and S.H.E. I especially like S.H.E superstar with yoga, S.H.E is cute then! ha and Olivia Ong sang very well! and she is chio too! lol

Anyway, if you never go for this concert you are missing out on alot. Why? Cos the whole concert is more than 3hrs!! ok that's a bit scary. Started at 830 but close to 1130 he is still singing! and really like no end! encore not once but TWICE! very scary. Anyway I left at 1125. Hence no idea how long it last but 3 hrs at least. Someone can tell me if he sang till midnite? ha

But one thing struck me about yoga is, he is a sincere singer. Can see he is very concerned abt ppl supporting him, though he know a number of them came for S.H.E. And at the end of the 1st encore, he thanked all the ppl who came. And he really gave a real deep bow, can really see he really mean it. And he really sincerely thanked all the dancers and the band. At the start of the 2nd encore, he actually say, it's not compulsory for you to stay, but if you really want to stay back and listen, I will sing for you (That's why I dunno he going to sing how long). And he also said that because singapore is his last stop, he really gave his all in the singing, to push his voice instead of using "jia yin". Really commendable.

Anyway, the atmosphere at the concert is great, well, guess there are more than 5k people, about 85% of the hall is filled. Good to have a free good concert.

WHAT IS KARMA?

HUMAN BEINGS HAVE LONG ASCRIBED TO FATE, destiny or even God’s will problems they felt powerless to resist, resigning themselves to these perceived forces. The ancient Greeks envisioned three elderly goddesses—the Fates—who controlled people’s lives. The goddess Clotho determined birth, spinning the thread of human life; Lachesis dispensed that thread, steering the path a person would follow in life; and Atropos cut the thread thus determining an individual’s moment of death.

This attitude—that all in life is predetermined or inalterable—is not limited to people of old; it exerts an influence on the hearts and minds of many living today. Expressing frustration over this tendency, British author and essayist George Orwell wrote: "For the ordinary man is passive. Within a narrow circle...he feels himself master of his fate, but against major events he is as helpless as against the elements. So far from endeavoring to influence the future, he simply lies down and lets things happen to him." [1]

The idea that something other than ourselves controls our destiny can in one sense be seen as a form of avoidance—a rationalization to escape facing and challenging real problems and suffering. It may also be an expression of a deep, subconscious sense of helplessness.

Buddhism teaches the solution to human suffering and provides a way to overcome or transform this sense of helplessness. Ultimately, it teaches that the cause of misery lies not with any external force or circumstance, but with ourselves. Buddhism looks nowhere beyond the sufferer for both the cause and the solution to suffering.

According to Shakyamuni Buddha: "If a person commits an act of good or evil, he himself becomes the heir to that action. This is because that action actually never disappears (Udana)."

The Sanskrit word karma means action. And Buddhism divides the actions that constitute karma into three categories: actions of the body (behavior), actions of the mouth (speech, language) and actions of the mind (thoughts).

The latent force of both our good and bad actions remains in our lives.

Once committed, any human action, whether good or bad, does not simply vanish into the past with time. Each act remains in one’s life at the present as a potential force or energy, influencing the course of one’s existence from the point of that action forward. In this sense, rather than simply viewing karma as "action," it may be more appropriate to think of it as action plus that action’s potential influence on one’s life. Or, in simpler terms, karma may be seen as life’s ingrained habits, leanings or tendencies—actions that tend to repeat themselves, or that we tend to repeat.

Buddhism teaches of the eternal or unending nature of life as a cycle of birth and death. So when people speak of "past karma," they really mean the present influence on one’s life of actions taken in the past (in past lives). Buddhism also teaches that actions (karma) can be either good or bad; good actions (good karma) give rise to happy, positive effects, and bad actions (bad karma) give rise to unhappy, negative effects.

Further, some actions yield specific results that will appear at a set time—this is known as fixed or immutable karma. Other actions yield results that are not set or specific in their nature or timing—this is non-fixed or mutable karma. Immutable karma is often used to describe a person’s life span, because the time of one’s death is viewed in Buddhism as fixed or set by the influence of past karma.

What kind of actions form immutable karma? In the Buddhist scripture "A Treasury of Analysis of the Law" (Jpn. Kusha Ron), they are described as:

1. Actions arising from strong earthly desires (delusions, illusions); or conversely, actions arising from a very pure heart and mind.
2. Actions that are continually repeated over time.
3. Actions taken toward the correct teaching of Buddhism.
4. Actions taken toward one’s mother or father.

While human beings cannot avoid the results of their actions in past lives, Buddhism does not teach that we should simply resign ourselves to the effects of karma, be they good or bad. Submission to fate, to "one’s lot in life" or to some will outside our own is not a correct Buddhist view. Rather, Buddhism is correctly understood as a forward-looking, empowering teaching that stresses personal responsibility and hope. "If I am the one who made myself what I am today, then I am the one who will create the ‘me’ of the future," is the ideal attitude of a Buddhist.

Karma, then, does not so much apply to our circumstances as to our thoughts, words and deeds. Things do not happen to us, we make them happen—or we act in a habitual way when they do happen that leads us to habitual situations. We made what we are and experience now, and we are at this moment making what we will be and experience in the future. That is karma. So to change karma means to change our lives right now; that is, the way we think, speak and do things. The best way to positively transform the effects of our past bad karma, enjoy the effects of past good karma, and create good karma for the future is to inform our actions with fresh life force and wisdom.

Fortunately, the Daishonin’s Buddhism provides us with a way to bring forth this powerful life force and wisdom. The power of our Buddhist practice also enables us to transform negative karma or circumstances into a motivating force for creating great future benefit and reward.
Faith and practice enable a change of destiny and the accumulation of good fortune.
The key to breaking through the wall of our bad karma and creating future happiness lies only in ourselves—in our own actions.

Nichiren Daishonin writes in "On Prolonging Life" that "sincere repentance will eradicate even immutable karma, to say nothing of karma which is mutable" (The Major Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, vol. 1, p. 229).

"Sincere repentance" here means to repeatedly refresh our determination to dedicate ourselves to the Law of Buddhism by continually carrying out the practice of chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo for our sake and for that of others. This is the purpose of our SGI organization—to provide many people with support in doing just this. When we freely engage ourselves in chanting daimoku and in SGI activities, powerful vitality will emerge from within us. Not only will we break the restraints of our past karma, we will also build a rock-solid foundation of good fortune and happiness for the future.

By Jeff Kriger, SGI-USA Vice Study Department Leader
Based on the book Yasashii Kyogaku [Easy Study].
Tokyo: Seikyo Press.

a short post

long time since I last blogged... bz. very bz. esp when u have to go back for work on sat and suns.

anyway just a short episode. Was going home that day, at my house void deck so I went to see my box got letter or not. Then there was this indian boy and his younger sis waiting for lift... however, after like 1-2min after I collected my letters, I realise that the lift door was open! e boy was actually waiting for me! quite "touched", I mean seldom u see such things happening liao, and I seriously wasn't expecting him to wait for me somemore. Actually I will also say, he actually have the heart to detect someone is collecting letter and probably will need the lift. very nan de.

actually this is sth happen 1-2 weeks ago. but it happened that I was collecting letters just now and same thing happened; but this time nobody waited for me of cos ha. 2 ppl just rush in and went up, not that I wasn't expecting that to happen, but well, make me think of this past episode.

before ppl think i disappeared..

A Case Study
The Efficacies of Going to Work Early

Published in the January 2008 issue of the Daisan Bunmei (“The Third Civilization”, a monthly affiliated publication of the Soka Gakkai), is an interview with Professor Keiichi Hisatsune of Miyagi University, who has authored more than 70 books on ways to succeed in one’s businesses and careers “(some of which had become best-sellers in Japan). He spoke on the efficacies of rising up early in the morning” based on his personal experience.

Prof Hisatsune relates that he used to reach his office “just in the nick of time” but this changed when he was around 30 when he got to know a wonderful senior at work whom he respected whole heartedly. Prof Hisatsune told himself, “I want to become an individual like him” and began observing his senior, hoping to emulate his good points. Through his observation, Prof Hisatsune discovered that his senior reached the office by 7:45 am every day even though the official reporting time was 9:30 am. Prof Hisatsune thought that perhaps this was by far the only thing he could emulate and decided to go to work early.

After starting his routine of reporting to work early, Prof Hisatsune was surprised to find that his brain was already functioning at 100% by 9:30 am, when office began its operation and his work productivity and efficiency was very much higher than those who reported to work much later than him.

One who is mentally prepared can respond much better than one who is not. Prof Hisatune realized with amazement that by going through a “mental simulation” before he started work, lesser mistakes were made and he could discuss, communicate and work “on par” with colleagues who could think fast and far ahead. He also added that such “elites” in the office has great self-confidence and would therefore come to work just before office hours began. By reaching the office and preparing himself before these colleagues came in to work enabled him to have a head start over these “elites” in the office.

As the habit of rising up early in the morning became a part of his life, Prof Hisatune realized that he seldom had to work overtime as his productivity was very much enhanced.

For example, by reaching the office early before the arrival of other colleagues, he could first tie up the remaining loose ends of yesterday’s work. Next, he could confirm the items he needs to attend to that day. On top of this, by responding to requests from clients left undone the day before through email and fax early in the morning, the clients will start calling him the first thing when office hour began, thus cutting down on time and productivity.

In addition, Prof Hisatsune discovered that by starting work fully prepared, he could complete his personal work arrears in the morning when his mind was still fresh and by afternoon when he was relatively more exhausted, he could directly attend to requests from his seniors and clients or engage in discussions at meetings.

Prof Hisatsune concludes, “The secret to enhancing one’s capability and productivity at work without having to pay a cent, without having to attend any courses and without having to ask for any help from any one, is winning in the morning. Young people may have much more ‘knowledge and information’ on this because they read business journals and books on self-improvement at work. But one need not think too deeply or attempt something difficult. You just need to wake up early in the morning and I can say for sure, your work productivity will increase at least by 20%.”

dun stereotype!

happy new year to all! but anw, I am going to post sth before it's too late and i let it go unposted.

was going home yday in the mrt train, when, at one of the station, a malay lady with her 2 daughters boarded the train. Think the kids one around 3 and another around 6? anw, there was no seat around, but I saw a guy kindly offer his seat to one of the kids. That's gd, I tot, to see such acts of kindness.

but tt's not all. Only one of the kids got e seat so the elder one was standing. And this guy go ask the person sitting on the adjacent seat to give it to the girl. Actually it seems nth much, but what struck me is, the guy is not a singaporean; he is a PRC from his accent.

well, there is nth wrong with a PRC giving up seat. But the point is, there is I am sure, a lot of Singaporeans who have stereotypes against the foreigners who came to singapore, especially the workers, like the Chinese, i think alot Singaporeans think they are uncultured and others.

But let's face it; even if the majority does SEEM that way, there is also some that isn't. And anyway I am sure Singaporeans are just stereotyping, thinking all Chinese are like tt. However we should self- reflect, are we ourselves any much better than them/ all of them?

Stop stereotyping others

have u wondered..

who says all things can be created? if that is the case, where did that statement, "energy can neither be CREATED nor destroyed" come about??

Go think about it... Energy is the ultimate source of all things, that includes us human beings.

so sad.

was going out when i saw a wake..e layout looks familiar; i did have a thought but well i brush it aside.

came home just now, saw that it was a SOKA wake. a member passed away, sadness was what I felt.

came home and told my mum but well, more sadness to follow. My mum told me he is from ang mo kio zone, which sounded so familiar, and then i was told he was 26, n he died fr leukemia.

So he was the guy in our prayers in yday's night meeting. I still rmb his name. I regretted not chanting for him yday nite, only waiting till this morning, else things might have been different. It only shows that some things have to be done at the point when required.

But no matter what, I m sure he has given his all in e fight, I am sure he has really demonstrated what it is to attain a state of Buddha hood, never to be defeated no matter what happens, and he already have the good fortune to receive bone marrow transplant, something that is not of a high chance to find a match.

maybe i should go to the wake tmr.

i wun get a reply

yes i wun, in response to my earlier mail about the author of from buddha to jesus, cos the author is so smart to ignore my email. I just confirmed this point. guess he can't say anything; he just dunno how to correct his own wrong